The Cheese Stands Alone: How to Properly Handle a Bad Date
According to the famous New York character, Carrie Bradshaw of the classic Sex and the City, first date or a blind date is like a job interview with cocktails. Valentine’s Day is just a few days from now and many people would probably say yes to a first or a blind date. First dates can either be rewarding or catastrophic. Many people would say that first dates aren’t worth the risk and is usually laced with awkwardness and incompatibility. However, taking the plunge means having a chance on what is out there in the singles market. It may not go as smoothly as you like, but you won’t have to live with regret and always be wondering on what could’ve happened if you only say yes to a guy.
The answer to an exit without being the mean woman who crushed his heart is when you follow your intuition. Women are gifted with higher intuition than men. If you choose to follow your intuition, you will most likely realize that the date isn’t going anywhere. Conversation will feel forced and watch out for telltale signs. You’ll find yourself disagreeing to what your date is saying. In short, the spark is nowhere to be found. Cupid has flown the co-op. Avoid leading your date on if your prerogative tells you differently.
Keep it to yourself
Meaning, do not share things that you would casually open up to a friend or a close acquaintance. If your gut tells you that the date isn’t going anywhere, don’t bring up intense things such as your past relationships or talk about your hopes and views of the future. When you reject his invitation to another date, he will be confused. Why did you open up emotional topics if you weren’t trying to connect on a certain level? If your date realized that you’re not interested for another date, he will have plenty of personal information he could use against you. Engaging yourself in a decent conversation is okay. But you should be on guard with what you put on his plate – especially if you’re date is trying to take the direction you don’t want. Remember to stick to lighter topics like hobbies and favorites before handing him your family life and career aspirations.
Avoid the answer “Yes”
This is a golden rule to dating and not just with a bad date. If you were talking to a colleague and something challenged your belief system, you’d be honest with her about you felt. If you’re on a good date, contradictions to what he says will be minimal. If you’re with a bad one, the odds of this are likely to increase. Getting the defensive stance when this situation happens is definitely not the way to go if you want to avoid awkward moments. Be honest without being aggressive. Remember that if the night is meant to be, the fact that you don’t agree on things wouldn’t be a turn-off to your date.
Avoid Physical Connections
If you don’t feel the fireworks and chemistry with your date, avoid flirtatious moves. This means, don’t hold hands or put your hands in his arms. Always remember that physical connection is a sign that you’re into him, so be careful not to lead him anywhere you don’t want him to be. If he’s making some moves and the emotional connection isn’t there, chances are your night will only get worse. If he’s crossing the boundary, make him aware of the condition. Say it in a polite way and a subtle smile to give him the impression that you’re not biting his head off for attempting to hold your hand as you sit and sip your wine. It will be awkward for a few moments but you shouldn’t have to increase the rising discomfort just to get through the date.
You’re on a date that is about to end and you followed all the things mentioned above but clearly, he didn’t read your signals and he popped out the second date invitation.
First Answer: You Aren’t Looking for Anything Special
This answer could seem like a lie based on the fact that you agreed to go out with him. But the reality that you aren’t looking for anything special with him is not a lie. You can approach it by saying that he is a nice person but you aren’t ready for a relationship he is looking for and you want to approach dating casually so that you can decide if you’re ready for something more.
Second Answer: You Don’t Have Anything Yet to Give
This again may seem counterintuitive because you made time to go on a date. If your gut tells you that the date isn’t going anywhere but in the shelf. Tell him that you don’t have anything especially time to give. You may explain it further by emphasizing your focus and effort on work and your family and it is important that you maximize your time and effort on the things you focus on. You don’t have to necessarily make it personal but you don’t have to lie. If said nicely and politely, he should understand.
Third Answer: You’re Both Incompatible
This may be straightforward but it is the most effective among three. If you want to be delicate about ending your date, you’re doing your date and yourself a big favor by being direct. If you don’t want to see him again, then be honest about it. You weren’t comfortable because of lack of compatibility. If you help him see this, he can also learn from this experience when he ventures again into dating.
Many people believe that there is a thin line between honesty and rudeness, but as long as you tell it in a nice way, most guys will find honesty exhilarating. Take your dating experiences into account. Candor is not a synonym for insult.
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